Oy Gevalt…I think I’ve been re-gifted!

Oh Geeez that was a schlep…so where are the cookies?

Look what the cat dragged in…tried on the mink schmatta and looked like my bubbe. I’ll stick with my hair coat thank you very much.

Note to PETA, I’m available as a spokesman…I’ll work for bupkes!

I’ve got a mind of my own. If I don’t feel like going for a walk
or to the nail salon for the umpteenth time, I’ve got sure-fire
tactics to ‘get what I want, when I want it!’

I make a scene – a really big fuss.

I do so loudly, and in public, preferably with women,
and children around.

I stop short, dig in my heels and don’t budge,
and top it off with the best (Oscar worthy)
fake coughing, choking and gagging in the business.

Point made, I put on my widest, toothiest smile
and sashay away whistling ‘I did it my way.’

Mom caved. The whole ‘cut back’ plan just wasn’t working for us, so I’m styling again! My regular hair stylist wasn’t there (don’t you hate when that happens?) Went home, looked in the mirror and I was a schnauzer – mutton chops and all! I just died. Went right back for a redo.

I can’t believe how much I look like Jane Fonda’s Tulea.
Only I don’t do bows, I do balls.

She said ‘we’ had to cut back, and it’s come to this.
A sink and a raggedy sponge.
Since when did ‘we’ mean just me? I’ve seen her new haircut,
and between us, there’s no way she cut it herself.

Scooper Scofflaws!! They are everywhere lately, and from the looks of it, (I can tell by the size of the business deals I see) that it’s mostly the big guys, the BMOCs, the Alphas, the TypeAs who are the worst offenders. Do they think they are doing the right thing by the environment by just leaving it where it drops? I say enough, let’s get some stimulus dollars to double… no, triple the size of the NYC Scooper Pooper Police force and build more doggie parks for us little guys and girls!

What is that about? The places that display this sign obviously don’t know what a foodie I am! Nor the lengths to which I will go to for ‘people’ food. First of all, let’s get this straight. I don’t do DOG FOOD. I eat take-out gourmet chicken, (unfortunately with some dreadful prescription dog food that my Mom insists on mixing with the chicken.) So its neccessary for me to supplement my meals every way I can — sometimes it ain’t pretty, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Most of my kind find hanging out at peoples’ feet at the dinner table, hoping for droppings, satisfactory. Not me. Big dinner parties are my favorite milieu. Someone always gets up — and when they do I put on my cutest face, grab something from their plate and I’m off. Half the time no one even catches me.

I do my best work with Hors D’oeuvres on a low cocktail table – although I was caught last summer standing on the table with 2 empty dip dishes licked dry and cracker pieces hanging from my moustache. That same week, while we were walking around a Flea Market, a fellow walking in front of us was dangling his hot dog a little low. I just couldn’t help grabbing and gobbling it up. Mmmm, mmm, love those dogs!

The First Doggy Bo. Been there and done that. I’ve been a celeb from the day I was born and to be honest, you either have it or you don’t. I can tell that Bo will do just fine in the spotlight, he’s got that certain something that can’t be learned or inherited.