The Roxie Wag

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Mom went away and left me with her and it was a humpty dumpty week for me! Her leg was all mine as soon as we hit the bed every night. Only that puffy white comforter between us!
…………………………………….

Facing Facts

I don’t like the way it sounds or what it implies
but the reality is — I’m a ‘cougar’!

…and I especially like Dachshunds like this guy—long and lean with washboard abs)

…………………………………….

Fixed-up For Fix’ins

Don’t like blind dates. Never have, never will, but this SGL (Single Golden Lab) had real class, didn’t even fudge on the age question. What a night! After the usual first date dance of meeting in a public place, taking a walk in the park and sniffing each other up, we ended up at a townhouse to die for, just off Fifth Avenue.

There was a private chef, and the biggest dog bones I’ve ever seen. We lapped up iced drinks in a cozy but totally luxurious library and dined on choice bits of filet mignon. Okay, he turned out to be a B!*ch, but what the heck, nobody’s perfect.

…………………………………….

Crime Scene Cuties

I’m canceling DoggieJDate. There’s a new game in town. We had an incident at our Hamptons house and had to call the cops. The two most adorable officers came to check out the damage. Men in uniforms… Works for me. I made them dust me for fingerprints. It was just the best.

…………………………………….

Love on the Rise

A tall, dark handsome man, a real McSteamy, put the moves on me while Mom and I were in the elevator. As we made our way up to our floor he couldn’t stop looking me up and down, and giving me the once over. Finally, he asked flat out, “Boy or Girl?”

(My first thought was-duh-this one’s not the brightest bulb in the box. Isn’t my heart-shaped rhinestone studded collar and leash a clue?) But without skipping a beat, Mom said, “girl!”

He looked back down at me, winked, and said “If she were a real girl, I’d be dating her.”… I think I’m in love.

…………………………………….

Speed Dating

Was it as good for you Gastone as it was for me?

…………………………………….

Okay I admit it, I love sniffing tush.

And where is the absolute best place to do so? It’s a no brainer… the dog park, of course. Total access in a confined space. What more could a ‘tushyist’ like myself ask for? I call it pretty darn close to heaven.

It’s just like High School. There are the popular ones (that would be me in my younger days. I was known as Ms. Perky.) Everyone paid attention to me. I was constantly on the move and in the center of the action. Now I just lurk in the corners waiting for an available tush to come my way. I then go stealth, sneak up from behind and go in for a good whiff, then dash away, because my tush, by the way, is off limits at all times.

There are the jocks (the ones with the biggest balls and chewy toys) who dominate the park, swagger about, and hump everyone in sight, the drama queens (the ones who whine and moan about not getting a chance to play with any toys) but, then, given the chance, think the toys are too disgusting to put in their mouths. I’ve actually seen Moms and Dads at the park using plastic bags to pick up balls. Can you believe it? Such sissies!

The nerds (the ones who are always picked on) who huddle in small bunches in corners and appear to not be doing much of anything, but are actually creating the next wave of something cool that will take over the world, the teachers pets (we know who they are) sucking up to anyone giving away doggy treats, then scoot away and hide under benches or behind trees.

I just love the dog park, even though I’d never, ever, want to go back to High School.