Something is in the Air
Went to the park again today. Same ole, same ole. But on the way home there was a big fluffy white dog of an indeterminate breed that laid down and offered himself to me, unconditionally.
How often does that happen?
Crime Scene Cuties
I’m canceling DoggieJDate. There’s a new game in town. We had an incident at our Hamptons house and had to call the cops. The two most adorable officers came to check out the damage. Men in uniforms… Works for me. I made them dust me for fingerprints. It was just the best.
Memorial Day
Just ‘Imagine’…a juicy hunk of filet mignon, a mountain of chicken cookies, free love, a Beagles reunion, and…oh yeah,
World Peace.
(BTW, In case you’re a little behind the times, that’s the John Lennon ‘Imagine’ Memorial behind me in Central Park.)
Okay I admit it, I love sniffing tush.
And where is the absolute best place to do so? It’s a no brainer… the dog park, of course. Total access in a confined space. What more could a ‘tushyist’ like myself ask for? I call it pretty darn close to heaven.
It’s just like High School. There are the popular ones (that would be me in my younger days. I was known as Ms. Perky.) Everyone paid attention to me. I was constantly on the move and in the center of the action. Now I just lurk in the corners waiting for an available tush to come my way. I then go stealth, sneak up from behind and go in for a good whiff, then dash away, because my tush, by the way, is off limits at all times.
There are the jocks (the ones with the biggest balls and chewy toys) who dominate the park, swagger about, and hump everyone in sight, the drama queens (the ones who whine and moan about not getting a chance to play with any toys) but, then, given the chance, think the toys are too disgusting to put in their mouths. I’ve actually seen Moms and Dads at the park using plastic bags to pick up balls. Can you believe it? Such sissies!
The nerds (the ones who are always picked on) who huddle in small bunches in corners and appear to not be doing much of anything, but are actually creating the next wave of something cool that will take over the world, the teachers pets (we know who they are) sucking up to anyone giving away doggy treats, then scoot away and hide under benches or behind trees.
I just love the dog park, even though I’d never, ever, want to go back to High School.
On My Way to The Hamptons
I’m on my way to the beach for the Holiday weekend but I want to remind you that there’s a lot more to me than just this ‘Home’ page. Don’t forget to check out all of me. Each of those headings in the black bar has juicy detalis of my life since the start of my Wag!
It’s My Way or the Highway
I’ve got a mind of my own. If I don’t feel like going for a walk
or to the nail salon for the umpteenth time, I’ve got sure-fire
tactics to ‘get what I want, when I want it!’
I make a scene – a really big fuss.
I do so loudly, and in public, preferably with women,
and children around.
I stop short, dig in my heels and don’t budge,
and top it off with the best (Oscar worthy)
fake coughing, choking and gagging in the business.
Point made, I put on my widest, toothiest smile
and sashay away whistling ‘I did it my way.’
Sheer Madness
Mom caved. The whole ‘cut back’ plan just wasn’t working for us, so I’m styling again! My regular hair stylist wasn’t there (don’t you hate when that happens?) Went home, looked in the mirror and I was a schnauzer – mutton chops and all! I just died. Went right back for a redo.
Separated at Birth
I can’t believe how much I look like Jane Fonda’s Tulea.
Only I don’t do bows, I do balls.
She said ‘we’ had to cut back
She said ‘we’ had to cut back, and it’s come to this.
A sink and a raggedy sponge.
Since when did ‘we’ mean just me? I’ve seen her new haircut,
and between us, there’s no way she cut it herself.
Fixed-up For Fix’ins
Don’t like blind dates. Never have, never will, but this SGL (Single Golden Lab) had real class, didn’t even fudge on the age question. What a night! After the usual first date dance of meeting in a public place, taking a walk in the park and sniffing each other up, we ended up at a townhouse to die for, just off Fifth Avenue.
There was a private chef, and the biggest dog bones I’ve ever seen. We lapped up iced drinks in a cozy but totally luxurious library and dined on choice bits of filet mignon. Okay, he turned out to be a B!*ch, but what the heck, nobody’s perfect.
Way too Green for Me
Scooper Scofflaws!! They are everywhere lately, and from the looks of it, (I can tell by the size of the business deals I see) that it’s mostly the big guys, the BMOCs, the Alphas, the TypeAs who are the worst offenders. Do they think they are doing the right thing by the environment by just leaving it where it drops? I say enough, let’s get some stimulus dollars to double… no, triple the size of the NYC Scooper Pooper Police force and build more doggie parks for us little guys and girls!
Time to Tone the Bod
I woke up this morning and realized that summer is just around the corner and it’s time to hit the gym. Don’t think that my daily ‘downward facing dog’ exercise (is this perfect form or what?) is doing anything for my backside.
At my “puppy shower,” many moons ago, I got a gym membership. You guessed it! Went once — got caught peeing on the gym mats instead of playing doggie dodge ball, and never went back. Wondering if they’ll let that slide and allow me in for a spin.
When money grew on trees?
It’s raining here today and on days like this I like to reminisce. One of my favorites is when I was in the elevator with my Mom and I had to “go” real bad. The elevator stopped on every floor and was going soooo slow that I couldn’t hold it and pooped between the third and fourth floors.
Mom was obviously not prepared for this, and, as all eyes burned daggers right through her, she casually pulled out a crisp five dollar bill, bent down, picked up my business and carried the little money package right out the door.
She would so never do that now!
The Roxie Wag 